If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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