Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
