She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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