That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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