your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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