we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
