He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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