I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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