There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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