You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize