Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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