I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize