is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
