last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
