I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
