Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
