The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
