dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
