Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
