bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
