i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
