she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
