he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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