I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
