My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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