those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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