Sponge bath it is.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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