how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize