i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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