just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
