Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize