yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Is it because I queefed?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
