We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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