ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Randomize
