I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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