is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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