The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
