3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
