Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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