Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
