Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
