woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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