hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
