tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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