We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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