therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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