Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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