dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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