She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
