I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
