I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize