Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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