I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
