you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My vagina just recognized that song.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
