My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
