yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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