sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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