You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
