We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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