HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We need to get me chipped asap
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
