hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
