open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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