my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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