All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
