You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
