so that wasnt chicken after all
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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