And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
