her vagine was all disorganized.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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